Summer vacation is upon us and school is about to let out. Parents are gearing up to send their kids to summer programs, day camps, sleep away camps, or just sending their kids outside to play with friends and neighbors. With this change in schedule and social structure, parents often ask us how to help keep their kids safe in new situations.
The topic of “grooming” is prevalent in the media and parents wonder how they can recognize grooming behaviors.
This can be a scary topic, and we know that some parents and caregivers avoid this subject because they are not sure how or when to talk with their children about it. Unfortunately we know that child sexual abuse does happen, even here in New Hampshire. 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will experience sexual violence. HAVEN’s goal is to empower families to be able to talk about personal body safety with their children and to help give kids the tools to know when and how to seek help. We at HAVEN do not want to alarm parents or create fear, but knowledge is power. Our advocate Ari is here to answer a few questions and give tips on how to help keep this summer fun and safe.
“Grooming can happen to anyone at any age and can even happen to entire families or communities.”
– Ari The Advocate
Grooming is a word used to describe the process by which perpetrators befriend children, take advantage of them, manipulate them, and coerce them into abuse. Grooming can happen to anyone at any age and can even happen to entire families or communities. The perpetrator can build trust through friendship, a position of authority, or good deeds. Grooming can happen in person or online. The perpetrator’s grooming behaviors can sometimes escalate to child sexual abuse.
Both perpetrators and those targeted for abuse can be of any background or gender. Perpetrators are most often someone known to the child and their families, not strangers.
Grooming behaviors can typically start with slowly pushing or crossing a child’s boundaries and seeing how they react. Part of the grooming process can include the perpetrator manipulating a child into believing they can’t talk about what has happened. Here are some tactics a perpetrator might use to keep a child from telling.
The best way to help your child establish healthy boundaries and feel safe seeking help is to have frequent, age-appropriate, open and honest conversations with them starting at a young age. Empowerment and education are the best tools for parents to use.
— Ari the Advocate
HAVEN Educators have developed a Child Safety Awareness class that highlights helpful information for parents. Some guidelines are:
i. Super Duper Safety School; Safety Rules for Kids and Grown-ups
ii. My Body, What I say Goes by Jayneen Sanders
iii. Miles is the Boss of His Body by Samantha Kurtzman-Counter
“There are things parents can do to increase safety for their children. There are important things to consider; know your child’s environment, be aware of the people they interact with, pay attention to any behavioral changes in your child or those around them.”
Ari the Advocate
Responding to a disclosure of child abuse and navigating next steps is covered in depth in a video blog post here: https://havennh.org/how-to-respond-when-kids-disclose/
You can call our hotline, 603-994-SAFE(7233), 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to speak to a FREE, CONFIDENTIAL advocate. We are available to chat via our website, HAVENNH.ORG, Monday-Friday 9 am-4 pm. Please don’t hesitate to reach out for help. We are here for you and your loved ones. You are not alone.