Suzi
Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse & Sexual Assault
I am a two-time sexual assault survivor. The first incident occurred in my childhood, and a relative was responsible. When it’s a relative it’s a double whammy, you have an attachment and love and loyalty at some level, and the telling becomes complicated. The years afterwards were fairly chaotic, with over-indulgences that were not healthy for my mind, body or spirit. Later, as an adult, I confronted my abuser and was able to state my feelings through a letter. That decision was important and helpful, as I received both an admission of the acts done and an apology.
As soon as I chose the truth I knew I would survive.
Fast forward to my mid-forties. I was subjected to drug facilitated sexual assault, which was then aired on the Internet. As pieces of my memory surfaced, I was the focus of public attempts to scare, shame, and blame me for the assault. What I do know is that it happened.
When I finally connected to sexual assault support groups in the area I discovered we all have a right to report crimes even if we’re lacking key information. Knowing it happened is enough. It took me three tries, eventually showing up with an advocate by my side, to achieve that goal. I needed an investigation, more information. I was told by the state victims rights advocate that not only was I lacking proof, the statute of limitations had run out. She let me know she was sorry. The painful, lonely, traumatic mess has been doable because of both the human support I’ve been blessed to receive, and the spiritual guidance and love I claim through my faith.
My message to other survivors is “Don’t cave. Don’t get isolated, stay connected. It’s just so important".
Keep remembering “This is your life, you have the right to be here, to pursue your dreams". I know I’ll be all right, and that by sharing what I’ve been through with others I’ve gained strength.
